People who don’t know me well or haven’t known me very long often ask the question: Is your happiness real? They want to know if I am actually as happy as I appear to be every day. One day it hit me. I realized that perhaps some people think that my positivity is false. Maybe they think that I wear a mask of positivity to cover up for something negative. Because really, is anyone truly happy all of the time?

My answer to the people’s question is: Yes, I am happy every day. However, my happiness comes from experiencing darkness and processing pain.

When I was young, I was displaced from my family. I was separated from my mom and dad. The only place I felt safe was in my own arms. Cocooned. Not hidden from harm, but comforted by self-love. This was my safe place. As an adult, when my soul is triggered or pain is present, I still find comfort in this resting space. Perhaps it is reminiscent of being in the womb. Safe and secure. A place of true belonging. Whatever it is, it is me. This part of me exists often when I process the less pretty parts of my life. Alone, I am able to be with my pain and comfort myself through it.

I have many hard days. I have many painful memories from my childhood. I have some seriously reactive triggers that bring me to tears and can bring me to the floor. This is me on hard days. This is me in the process of pain, self-doubt, and loss. This is me taking time to shed tears and layers of hurt in order to make space for love and gratitude.

The happy person that I am is very real. The realness is the joy that comes from surviving the hurt and thriving in the space of gratitude.

Here’s to you and me living a truly madly happy life.

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With love,